| WARPED BLOODY WARPED |
[03 Jul 2007|07:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
THE WARPED TOUR IS IN CALGARY. NOT EDMONTON. MEANING I CANNOT SEE PARAMOREYELLOWCARDCUTEISWHATWEAIMFORMYAMERICANHEARTUNDEROATHTHEUSEDESCAPETHEFATE. AND THEY'RE COMING TO CALGARY ON JULY 5, THURSDAY. MEANING WE CAN'T DRIVE THERE BECAUSE ITS A THURSDAY. MEANING I AM PISSED. MEANING I AM MISSING THE DATE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO WITH ALL ANTICIPATION. MEANING I CANNOT SEE MY BELOVED BANDS FOR A MERE 30 BUCKS. GODDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMIT. AAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I was supposed to write about Canada Day today but I am pissed. Therefore, its gonna be on the next post.
AAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
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| TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS |
[20 Jun 2007|05:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pessimistic |
] |
Yesterday was the last day of classes. Locker clean-out. Everyone was talking about how only a year ago they were putting stuff in their lockers. While I was cleaning out mine I was thinking of how much has happened in a year. I guess, too much. Apparently we're all gonna say goodbye again. Apparently I have to do it all over again.
I'm (only) 13 14 and I feel like I'm wasting my life away. The all-familiar feeling of being holed up in isolation is here, hoping to get somewhere but cant because you think there's nowhere to go and no one to come with. I'm thinking music lessons will be therapeutic.
Paramore's broken out. Made their first appearance on TRL. Somehow I get the feeling they're better off without MTV.
Aarghaghhhhhhhhhhaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm getting a million zits on my face. teeheeee. The layout messed up yesterday when I put the pictures up on the last post. :/
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| OHMYGAAAAAD SHOES. LETS GET SOME SHOESSS. |
[17 Jun 2007|03:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 high |
] |
Let's see what happened this week.
So Thursday during PE we were playing American football. So me and this other girl Shantel were tyring to catch the football and we were both going the same way. I didnt see her coming because I was like, "I'll get the ball I'll get the ball!" and seconds later we crashed into each other. Her head hit my head [LOLOLOL] and we were down on the ground for like 5 whole minutes with my hands on my forehead because it was stinging and hurting and burning so bad. And then when I took off my hands it was like covered with blood. I didnt expect it to bleed but it did and i was like "Awwww shit its bleeding." And then there was blood on my forehead and my nose and my cheeks. Shantel's braces scraped against my forehead and now i have this like, 5 cm cut across. She got a cut in her mouth and a swollen lip. And then when we were going to the PE room to get it cleaned and bandaged this girl Amber was like, "That's so fucking cool!" The way she said it was so hilarious i couldnt stop laughing. Now i have this long cut on my forehead and i think its turning to be a scar. :/
and then Friday my birthday. Friday was boringlonelysucked. I went to school with a tiny bit of hope that someone was going to run up to me with open arms and yell Happy Birthday. But no it didn't. I saw Michelle running along the hallways so I was a tiny eeny bit stoked that Hey, she's gonna run up to me and wish me happy birthday! But no she didnt. She didnt even see me. Turned out she was running for something else. So I turned straight for class and knew it was gonna be lonely. And then i went to my locker and hoped that someone would come up to me and say something. Nothing. So i went to class, sat, hoping, expecting, yearning. NOTHING. Depressing i know. It wasnt only around 15 minutes later when Megan whispered across from her desk during the morning announcements a husky Happy Birthday and all i did was stare at her and said thanks. But yeah i did get happy brithdays when she went around asking everyone if they'd already wish me happy birthday. they all went 'OMFG I FORGOT SHIT! HAPPY BRITHDAAAY!" Fucking douchebags.I guess it was all good after that. I got a hug from Dylan, 14 punches from Kim, a hug from Nic, a hug from Abby, a note during Math that said Happy Birthday from Gabe, 20bucks from Mom, and a laaaaarge iced cap and a beef taco i bought for myself during lunch. And then i went home. :[
I suddenly had the urge to post old pics. Old, old, loved and remembered pics.
    
ehhh yea i guess thats enough. yea i know they're all badly cropped. i dont care.
hello sinking sunset and Mus' silhouette. Hello Fanna and the mickey mouse hat which is lying somewhere in my closet right now. i miss you.
love, jessi. :[
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| LET'S GET THESE TEEN HEARTS BEATING FASTER FASTER |
[26 May 2007|09:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
"I told you I was a good dancer.. *whispers* Can I keep you?"
Fucking kiss at the end. All time favourite.
Behold, as the colourful dancing lights bounce off the walls and eardeafening songs coming from the DJ's set in the middle rupture the walls of the dark gymnasium. Crowds start pouring in, and fog/smoke fills the place. The fast beat of a trance/rave song starts hyping the crowd, adrenalin kicking in. Oblivious to the what was going on outside the closed doors, the hysteria of dancing begins.
Teeeeheeeheee. Yesterday was the junior high dance. *mind starts to wander, followed by a goofy grin on the face* It was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Too bad its the last dance before school ends next month. ): The next dance is years away. On Christmas maybe.
So the dance started. It was DJ Sammi's(?) song. Heaven(?) i think. remixed one. Everyone was jumpinggrindingshakingbutts. We used the smaller gym because "we do not want to distract the high school students who are having normal classes today". Motherfooken principal. Since the gym was small it was goddamn packed and you reallyreally rub bodies with people. *remembers.. followed by a stupid grin on the face* After i think 3 other songs and Avril's Girlfriend a slow song came on. It had to be Aerosmith's I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing. :[ Girls were running around looking for their boyfriends. I was with this girl Abby. And we were like, staring at each other. So I put my hands on her neck and her hands on my waist. Lololol. Then Ivan came along. He was like, "May I have this dance?" Lolol. So I did. Abby had to find another guy. Heh. The last time a guy held me at the waist was Halim. 4 months ago. *sigh* I swear the whole gym looked so... sweetromanticnice with everyone slow dancing. Then song ended, Gwen's Hollaback Girl came on. "Oooh, dis maah SHEEEET! dis maahSHEEEEEET." Ahahah lolol. There were only 4 slowsongs though. The rest were all pop/techno/trance. Then teachers had to separate the girls from grinding their butts into guys' fucking pants.Tsktsk. Then it all ended when it only felt like an hour. The last song was a slow song. And it had to be oneof my faves evereverever. Iris. :( At some point I think I went teary. Then Trentin came. He was like, "Will you have this last dance with me?" Mothereffing sweet. *grins* And then it all ended. And yesterday night was the only night I remember smiling myself to sleep.
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| YOU REMIND ME OF A TIME WHEN WE WERE SO ALIVE |
[23 May 2007|06:03pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Franklin - Paramore |
] |
Its May 24 tomorrow. That makes it 4 months. It still feels like yesterday though. I still feel like something's tearing apart my insides sometimes. Especially in the chest. The very middle.
When we get home I know we wont be home at all
This place we live
It is not where we belong
And I miss who we were
And the town we could call our own
Going back to get away after everything has changed
Everything has changed
...And going back wont feel the same if we arent staying
And going back to get away after everything has changed
I miss writing down Blk 239 Jurong East St. 21 #11-376 SINGAPORE 600239 on paper.
Its hurts so bad I can almost feel my heart breaking.
P.S. Oh M J F, I miss you.
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVE. |
[14 May 2007|07:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tonight Tonight - Smashing Pumpkins |
] |
Dear you,
Happy birthday. :] We never got the chance to celebrate your birthday, didn't we? I've always wanted to post something like this, i thought today would be good. There were a lot of things that was on my mind before, but now I think of it I cant seem to remember what it was. If you only knew, there were nights when I couldnt fall asleep and my mind would start hallucinating, imagining, remembering those days with the earphones blasting in my ears. My fingers would always turn the Shuffle thingy when familiar songs came on. Unintended, My Heart, I Will Follow You Into The Dark, whatever. Both vivid and blurred images would morph into my head, and February 23 would never fail to come on. The last few days. I'd just lie there, and something from the insides would slowly start creeping in, like it was eating something inch by inch and hollowness would come. You dont know how sometimes I just wanted to hug someone but I couldnt because everything I seemed to care for was far away from me. Then school came. The first few weeks were torture. I've told you this before havent I? I didnt know a single soul and I didnt open my mouth because I didnt want any singlish to come out. I'd walk to classes alone, wondering what you guys were all doing back. Funny how I'd wait for the bus alone when only months ago I was used to having 4 people wait together with me. My last dinner ever was a bowl of korean beef set and it was with Sab and Mus. You couldnt be there because you had to go home straight from then on. I still remember how that day turned out. My face was so swollen that night. And then February 24. Through the glass panels were the last time I ever saw everybody, I couldnt stop looking back at you guys. Then you diminished. No more. I swear the last I saw was you and Mus, with your head on Mus's shoulders. I think that was the loneliest flight I had ever been on. 30 hours in the air, dehydrated and stiff. Now I do still think about you and the others, when I'd look at the clock in class and I'd catch myself thinking about what you guys were doing that very minute. I do still think about you guys, especially the two of you when I'm in the bus, in school, everywhere. We had an assignment for English i think a few days ago, it was letter writing and I had to write to someone i hadnt seen in a while. Guess what? I wrote your name and I didnt have to stop and think about what i was going to write. I guess this is where you turn into a memory now. A memory that would always haunt me. Its going to take a long time before anyone replaces you two. You were always the best. And still is.
Happy birthday! :]
I love you, still.
|
|
| WE'RE GONNA BOPBOPBOP BOP TO THE TOP |
[14 May 2007|06:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hallelujah (acoustic) - Paramore |
] |
"The Louis St. Laurent Fine Arts Department proudly presents The (other) High School Musical featuring the Musical Theatre classes, second semester Dance Classes and LSL Pom Squad on May 11&12. Tickets at the business office, dance studio and at the door."
LOLOL. It wasnt so bad, really. The opening night was crap because I was all shaky because my parents were there. Who can relax when you know your parents are sitting there going "OH I SEE HER I SEE HER!" and videotaping you? Make-up was bad too. The second day was great. I was smiling away the whole routine, parents weren't there. Teeeeheeee. The douchebag who was doing all the technical stuff messed up our song and we started 8 seconds later. Then when it all ended and everyone was in the dance studio there were this little girls from the audience who came up to the guy who played Troy and asked him if they could have his autograph. With this funny look on his face he was like, "Ohmygod. Haha, sure!" Heeee.
No picture. :[
Hell yeaaaaaaaah another upside down picture with bones sticking out. :]
I hate Mondays. My hair looked crappy on the way to school and I didnt have anything to wear. Colin came back to school today since forever from juvie/some facility/some bootcamp, whatever they say. I only noticed it when i thought someone was standing leaning five lockers away from mine. Then I saw the familiar dreamy eyes. teeeheeeee.
Warped Tour's coming! Warped Tour's Coming! WAAAAARPED TOUR'S COMING!!!
5 July 2007 Warped Tour Edmonton, AB
Goodbye world.
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| I LIKED YOU MORE BEFORE YOU BECAME A MYSPACE WHORE |
[05 May 2007|01:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
I'm So Sick (acoustic) - Flyleaf |
] |
I've always been infatuated by the 1900s where ladies wore corsets and dresses draped with heavy puffs and wore crazy hairdo's, men wore vests everyday, little girls looked like dolls with rosy cheeks and perfect little locks, where everyone wrote love letters and poems. It just seemed so romantic. The whole fairytale-esque vibe of it all. Now everything just feels so cheap.
Enough of that.
Announcements
May 11-12
The “Other” High School Musical Dance Production
7:30 pm May 15
JH Track Day May 25
JH Dance
So we have a musical next week. They're doing High School Musical and my class is involved and we're doing backup dance(!!) to Bop to the Top. I just hope no one buys the tickets. Heeeh. And then Track Day/ NAPFA test on the 15th, FAANA'S birthday on the 16th (Hello love :] ) and the Junior High Dance on the 25th. I'm somehow eager for that. I havent felt excited for something in a long time.
So far everything's fine. Its been 71 days. 71 long days. I wonder when we're gonna see each other again..
P.S. The title rhymes. :]
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| YOU CANT FIGHT THE TEARS THAT AIN'T COMING. |
[28 Apr 2007|04:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls |
] |
Somehow I'm always getting sentences forming in my head but whenever I sit in front of the computer it all fades away. Always.& I miss reading books/novels that are 1000+ pages thick because I dont know where the library is and I cant find books anywhere. The last time I reada 1000+ paged, wonderfully written book was New Moon and that was months ago when everything was going good. I'm getting worse&worse with my words and I'm thinking that in no time I'm going to have vocabulary like an 11 y/o kid. No wait, I already am.
I've been doing nothing but watch acoustic versions of songs on YouTube. Iris always seems to get to me.
P.S. Rest in peace, Debra Koh.
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| THERE IS/ WHEN YOU'RE GONE/ THNKS FR TH MMRS |
[22 Apr 2007|07:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
There Is-BoxcarRacer/When You're Gone-AvrilLavigne/Thnks Fr Th Mmrs-Fall Out Boy |
] |
Dear you,
Ive given alot of thought on this 13 hour drive 55 days I've gone
I miss the grinded concrete where we sat past 8 or 9 5 or 6
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights,
I've given alot of thought to,
The days we use to have,
The days have come and gone,
Our lives went by so fast,
Those notes you wrote me,
I've kept them all.
I've given alot of thought,
On how to write you back this fall,
Will I shake this off,
Pretend its all okay?
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you
One night and one more time.
Thanks for the memories,
Even though they weren't so great.
|
|
| WHEN I SAY SUCK, YOU SAY IT. |
[21 Apr 2007|03:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Whoa - Paramore |
] |
This is reaaaally random but I dont care.
1.) I'm obsessed with oversized shirts. Its gangstaaaaaa. Ya heard?
2.) I need to pee. AHAHHAHA.
3.) To Write Love On Her Arms. shirt. i. want. it.
4.) I'm going to school on Monday with a Post-It note on my head saying, "WILL YOU BE MY BEST FRIEND? I NEED ONE."
5.) $1.75 Iced Cappucino. ahhh.
6.) Or maybe i could just create my own TWLOHA shirt.
7.) I'm a genius.
8.) I like Irish accents. 'Bludy hell!' AAAAAHAAAHHAHA.
9.) 'Why are you always in my face? I KNOW i'm hot. UGH."
10.) Hello Faana. Could you come here? Uhh... i kind of need you. Uhh....heh..yeah. No wait. *scratches 'kind of' and replaces it with REALLY*
11.) Hello Faana. Could you come here? Uhh... i REALLY need you. Uhh....heh..yeah. :]
12.) Oh, dont forget Mus.
13.) I feel like bursting out.
14.) I want ban mian.
15.) Hi Ryemie. Hi Evelyn. Hi Mariko. :]
Okay, i'm done.
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| THE LAST TIME WE TALKED, MR SMITH, YOU REDUCED ME TO TEARS. |
[19 Apr 2007|03:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Say Anything - Mariana's Trench |
] |
"So Jessi, your -" *gets interrupted*
"Jesse C., Jessi A. or Jessica?"
"Its Jessi A. So Jessi, you're cooking next class with ..."
*dylandylandylandylan. iwontmindifitsnathantoo. dylannathandylannathan*
"Kevin."
*Bitchhhhhhhhh.*
&another one.
"Kay Jess, lets see your longjump."
*starts running*
*Some Sean Paul song drifts from the speakers.*
*Sees the starting line*
*Tokyo Drift comes on*
*Mind starts racing with thoughts/memories. Blanks out.*
*Goes over jumping line*
"Oh nope Jess, you went over the line. You gotta start over again."
Why, of all songs, did Tokyo Drift come on with its annoying beat and my mind goes ballistic with thoughts&memories&prettymuch everthing else shooting from everywhere.
Oh. My phone line's already dead. No more Singapore number. :[
So dont message me anymore.
Hi Faana. Hi Mus. Hi Ryemie. Hi Mariko. Hi Evelyn. :]
I miss you guys.
Oh wait.
I'll be there as soon as I can, but i'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before.
I still haven't moved on yet.
...i'm going to stop writing like that before we(or just me) get emoxcoreszx.
Who knew that minutes later our faces would become distorted and look like fags because we cried too much?
I look like a fag here btw.
Okay, i'll stfu now before i start saying how much i miss some people.
|
|
| WHOA. |
[14 Apr 2007|05:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hyper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Runaway - Avril Lavigne |
] |
ITS FINALLY 15 DEGREES AND ITS SPRING!!!!!!!
YEAHBAYBEHHHHHHHHH.
can i put more emphasis on that?
Its such a good day today. I feel the sun streaming from the window blinds, all the snow has melted, i hear skateboards &some kid playing hockey outside and music is blasting from my speakers. Sometimes its just days like these that makes you realize everything doesn't suck after all. I feel like going out and the first thing i'd do is breathe deeply till my lungs explode. Makes you feel like taking everything by the horns.
And coincidentally, i'm listening to something that perfectly describes it all.
&I think i know what i'm going to be.
I'm gonna be in a band. (Oh, you've heard this before havent you, MUS? :] )
And then we'd make millions and live in a big mansion and be all arrogant and me&my bandmates would be at the pool on inflated chairs sipping Dr. Pepper. Muahaha.
Oh, i dont think. I know it.
Okay, i think i'm going out now.
I just wanna scream and lose control
Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and runaway, yeah
I just want to fall and lose myself
Laughing so hard it hurts like hell
Forget about everything and runaway, yeah.
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| I WEAR THE PANTS. |
[10 Apr 2007|06:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Color Me Cliche |
] |
I've been eating nothing but cinnamon rolls and Dr. Pepper for the last few days.
Keeps my sanity alive. Sometimes I can't help but think i'm going to lose myself any second.
When I'm not doing anything it all just flows through, word by word. Now i'm finding it difficult to type.
Its been a whirlwind these past few months. I think I'm starting to have issues, sometimes I just hate it when I look in the mirror.
&I feel like an outcast in school. Everytime I see typical Myspace people I have the urge to go up to them and say, "i'm way cooler than you are." Goddamn fags. &I havent been getting enough sleep because the sun sets at 9 pm and rises at 7.
Sometimes its okay, but it just feels hollow.
Oh, hello Faana. You're the only one reading this. Heehhh. And Ryemie, i think.
I miss you guys. I still remember Feb24. When it was time to go&we were hugging& i had to go through the glass panels. &then i was looking back at you guys. i couldnt look away at that moment. because i knew it was the last i'd see you guys. and then you guys drifted from sight, until i couldnt see you guys anymore. the last one i saw was faana, and i saw you put your head on Mus' shoulder. and that was it. that was all i could think about most of the time in the plane. the plane where i spent almost 30 hours in.
I want a job at the themepark.
i cant think of anything else to type. maybe sometime when it all comes back.
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|
[09 Apr 2007|01:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ditzy |
] |
I'm back.
I didnt have any Internet connection in the wilderness for almost 2 months, I almost feel like I dont know how to use this thing anymore.
I still have 1 more day until I go insane.
Right now i'm going to eat.
Be back soon.
|
|
| all these trees with beartrap teeth try to get the best of me |
[07 Feb 2007|10:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls |
] |
There's days when you go to a place and feel that everyone's staring at you, when no really is.
There's days when everyone seem like lions, and you only pass as a cat.
I was in the bus coming home from school.
I'd observe and stare at everyone from the last seat and wondered, what makes you do things you do?
I'd watch dust particles dance in mid-air with sunlight burning through the window panes and blinded my eyes.
And I'd look through the windows, with towers and evergreen trees.
For the first time in years I realized what a pretty thing it was.
And then i thought, this is the life I'm gonna leave?
And then Death Cab for Cutie's Marching Bands of Manhattan began pounding my eardrums.
It made it worst.
If I could open my arms,
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan,
I'd bring it to where you are,
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson.
And if I could open my mouth,
Wide enough for a marching band to march out,
They would make your name sing,
And bend through alleys and bounce off other buildings.
I wish we could open our eyes,
To see in all directions at the same time.
Oh what a beautiful view,
If you were never aware of what was around you.
And it is true what you said,
That I live like a hermit in my own head.
But when the sun shines again,
I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.
|
|
| eveybody knows where this is heading |
[20 Jan 2007|07:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
poetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Muse - Unintended |
] |
There's just something about blasting songs in the afternoon that makes you go ponder.
35 000 ft in the air and face to face with the clouds with pressurized cabin air and everything and everybody is below you, hell yeaaaa.
I'm feeling poetic again.
So someone's leaving next week. Not exactly leaving. Just the last time we're gonna see her. No wait, its the same isnt it?
And then im next. Somehow there's something that makes me feel excited about it. Maybe the grass is greener on the other side. Who knows?
School's sometimes a pain in the ass. There's just something about it that makes me feel i dont belong or something.
And so much drama too.
But then there's after school i can always look forward to.
im sorry, it seems ive already let you down, gosh. please forgive me. oh well, ill think of some way to repair our friendship. maybe something sweet and chocolatey. sound good? ill be back later, you cant get rid of me that easy you know.
No, i'm not talking about you. I'm talking about you.
:]
My LJ still looks distorted like crap. Help.
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[11 Jan 2007|09:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cartel - Save Me |
] |
Jesus Christ,
I feel alone again.
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